As new readers flood my blog and peruse my posts, it feels like the perfect time to reflect on how this blog started. The root of all my writing (at least in the last six years) has always been the daughter we lost at 20-weeks. Sophia inspired me to begin writing her story, to sustain her presence and preserve her dignity. The Universe took her away from us in such an heinous way, yet she spawned a profound beauty in my life that no one can ever revoke. I see the world differently. I feel things more deeply. I cry more easily. I relish happiness more. I connect with others’ grief and joy in more satisfying ways. Without the most dire loss of a child, my life would have been left in its more shallow state. I am certain other events that have since happened have molded me into my current self, but nothing has ever touched my soul as deeply as losing Sophia. (Our rainbow baby Evelyln’s birth and unexpected survival is a very close second.)
Reflecting on my own writings is a past-time that allows me to reconnect with Laura from six years ago. Emotions resurface that have been packed away neatly into their own box– sealed but not permanently shut; these emotions are always welcome to resurface. I never deny them access to my current world. I never try to forget them. I never hide my tears in embarrassment. These raw feelings are genuine–and despite their melancholy origin–it feels good to have them come alive now and again.
This blog began as a way to share my Sophia’s Story memoir-style project. Opening this emotional box, I want to return to the launch of what turned into a multi-year fountain of honest, thought-provoking, and frequently provocative musings. As I continue to pursue publication of my Sophia’s Story manuscript, I revisit past writings frequently. It is my hope that loyal readers, as well as those new to my blog, will feel as moved as I do each time I read it.
Below are the first five installments that I originally published to my blog Sophia’s Story. Though revisions have been done in the four years since these were posted, the words are essentially the same and the sentiment of our journey unchanged.