Yesterday we released another baby soul to the universe. As some knew, we were trying to maintain a cautiously optimistic outlook about our third pregnancy. Tuesday, our optimism turned sour. Baby G was inexplicably no more. Baby G measured no more than a few centimeters, but was a presence a million times this. Baby G had a personality, a voice, a sense of humor. We allowed ourselves to love Baby G, and we know Baby G returned the sentiment.
With early complications, we desperately did what we needed to do to make Baby G successful: countless blood tests, ultrasounds, doctor’s offices, labs, time off from work. As human nature dictates, we want answers. We have been begrudgingly taught to accept twice before that not having answers is our answer. Today is a new day; We still want answers. We cling to this elusive comfort, and will pursue as much testing as we can bear.
We fully appreciate, and find comfort in, all the prayers and thoughts sent out way for the past 10 weeks; however, these recent events illustrate to us that our troubles go far beyond what any well-wishers and prayers can do. We cannot will this to happen. There are not enough good thoughts and prayers in the world to make this happen. The words “you deserve this”, “you would be great parents”, “third time’s a charm” don’t make things go our way. The Universe, Nature, God, whatever we choose to call it, cannot be swayed by our wishes. If only life worked on wishing.