Another Loss, Another Angel

Yesterday we released another baby soul to the universe. As some knew, we were trying to maintain a cautiously optimistic outlook about our third pregnancy. Tuesday, our optimism turned sour. Baby G was inexplicably no more. Baby G measured no more than a few centimeters, but was a presence a million times this. Baby G had a personality, a voice, a sense of humor. We allowed ourselves to love Baby G, and we know Baby G returned the sentiment.

With early complications, we desperately did what we needed to do to make Baby G successful: countless blood tests, ultrasounds, doctor’s offices, labs, time off from work. As human nature dictates, we want answers. We have been begrudgingly taught to accept twice before that not having answers is our answer. Today is a new day; We still want answers. We cling to this elusive comfort, and will pursue as much testing as we can bear.

We fully appreciate, and find comfort in, all the prayers and thoughts sent out way for the past 10 weeks; however, these recent events illustrate to us that our troubles go far beyond what any well-wishers and prayers can do. We cannot will this to happen. There are not enough good thoughts and prayers in the world to make this happen. The words “you deserve this”, “you would be great parents”, “third time’s a charm” don’t make things go our way. The Universe, Nature, God, whatever we choose to call it, cannot be swayed by our wishes. If only life worked on wishing.


Published by lkgaddis

I have been working on this memoir-style project for a while now, and I'm excited to share it with others. My hope is to get as wide an audience as possible, and to receive comments, suggestions, and ideas to improve and expand what I have. I also want to encourage others to become curious about the topic of babies, and the loss that can come with the adventures of trying to start a family. In the world of celebrating healthy babies, we who know otherwise need a voice too.

5 thoughts on “Another Loss, Another Angel

  1. I’m so sorry for your losses. Sending hugs and prayers. I know what you mean about the limitation of desire, wishing, will, etc. Praying for strength, courage, resilience, and peace for you guys.


  2. First let me tell you that i truly enjoy reading your story; however, words cannot describe how i feel for you. I am so sorry for your loss today and in the past. I can’t even imagine losing one of my kids. Big injuries make my heart hurt. Please know that i send prayers and positive thoughts that you guys figure this out…either how to have a positive outcome pregnancy or whatever else the universe has in store for you


    1. Lori,
      Thank you for reading not only my post today, but also Sophia’s Story. In all our sadness and loss, sharing our story gives me some sense of purpose. I’m hoping we can figure things out as well.


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