This article from the Huffington Post has popped up twice on my Facebook feed, only shortly after having this discussion come up with my husband. We are one of the unfortunate couples who went through some pretty traumatic, life-altering, Earth-rocking experiences and yet have fortunately come out the other side still facing the world together. We work hard to embrace each other: going to therapy after losing Sophia, listening to each other, and give lots of hugs when a trigger sets one of us into tears. While others grieve with us and for us, we two are the only ones who share in this special, vicious kind of pain. We lost the same precious babies. We were both there when we received the unfathomable news about Sophia’s unviability. We were both there when Sophia was born. We were both there when Sophia passed. The same is true for each consecutive miscarriage, being unwillingly tossed back into the painful world of loss over and over, whether we wanted it that way or not. While painful moments slowly dissipate, and the merciful separation between each depressing occurrence grows each day, they will never disappear. We have been fortunate to have started our life’s journey on a strong course, and fought to keep it that way. We never blamed each other. We never got mad at each other. We never stopped remembering to love and nurture each other.
Our therapist once told us how impressed she was with our ability as a couple to have compassion for one another. I was shocked that it could be any other way. I have never known any other way. But it can so easily happen, and after going through this kind of loss, I get it. Few things are as devastating, no matter when the loss occurs–early miscarriage, late-term pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or a living child. It is unnatural, going against every intuitive belief we have has humans.
Every day I am grateful, and feel extremely fortunate, that while I have lost so much, I continue have the best partner in life that I can imagine. My heart saddens for those who understandably cannot withstand such tragedy.