Miscarriage is crushing. Recurrent pregnancy loss is devastating. After suffering three miscarriages, we welcomed our Rainbow Baby Evelyn into our lives July 16, 2015. She is a miracle to us as every pregnancy was expected to fail. She was born with similar anomalies as her older sister Sophia; however, unlike Sophia, Evelyn has a fighting chance to survive. Hope was slipping away, yet a sliver of it forever hung on.
My words first flowed as a river of stories about our first loss. It is written as a memoir-style manuscript, and I hope you enjoy it as such. Many ask if writing is a cathartic activity for me, a way for me to find peace with our loss. I always answer the same: No. I love talking about Sophia and sharing her with others. Through all the pain of losing her, this is the joy she has given me. Through her short time with us, she showed me how to return to writing when my life had veered differently for so long. Through sharing Sophia with others, I get to know more about the struggles other people face.
Over time, I have lived more, loved more, and written more. Pieces now include new struggles: pregnancy after loss, prematurity, NICU stays, Rainbow Babies, physical delays, genetics, parenting after loss. As life goes on, so will topics, ideas, and posts.
As is human nature, the camaraderie of others who can be truly empathic is comforting, bringing a sense of community and belongingness. For those who don’t belong to this club (mercifully), I encourage you to become curious about the topic of baby loss, infertility, pregnancy after loss, and the painful world it creates. You are just as important in this journey filling the roles as our family members and friends. Those who live this hell need to talk about it, but don’t always have a place to do so. Those who walk down a less harrowing path do not know how to talk about it, but often want to.
My hope is this project will facilitate this conversation, let us learn from each other, and heal ourselves and each other.